"What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary. But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge. I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."
~Romans 7:15-25, The Message
This passage sums up all that I am feeling. Weeks ago, God began to speak to me about an area in my life that He wanted control over. Even more importantly, I believe He wanted me to have the faith in Him that He could and would take care of it. You see, I have learned that I can do all things through Christ. However, I have a tag line that I have added to that phrase...When I say it, it goes something like this...I can do all this through Christ EXCEPT...
I love how this passage describes our efforts to overcome our sinful nature...especially where it says, the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions. Every day I wake up and truly intend to be obedient to God in this area of my life. And every night, I go to bed having blown it once again. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. It happens so regularly that it's predictable.
Why so downcast, O my soul? I feel so far from You Lord. I keep trying to lean on You for strength and to keep believing in Your promises. Where are you and why is this so hard for me? You know my heart, God. I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight.
Abba, I am so tired of failing You in this area of my life. I know that You have spoken to me. I am trying to obey. I really am. Your Word tells me that I know that I love You when I obey Your commands and they are not a burden to me. (I John 5:3) And You also tell me that what You are commanding me to do is not too difficult for me or beyond my reach. (Duet 30:11)
God, help me to believe. I need You. I feel so lost when I cannot sense Your presence with me. You are my best friend and I am lonely when I feel like You are far away from me. Help me to obey. I want to make You proud of me. I want You to dance over me. I want to make You smile. I want to give You something to record in Your "brag book". I want to live my life in total abandonment to You. I want the rythym of your heartbeat to be the rythym of my life. I want to be ONE with You. I want to walk with You and talk with You, constantly abiding in Your presence.
I'm sorry for being selfish and for not trusting You enough. I'm sorry for trying to satisfy my desires and not letting You satisfy me. I'm sorry for not totally relying on Your power in my life to overcome temptation.
God, help me to be an overcomer through the power of Your blood!
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